Study Smart:First Aid

Giving in to your friends is one way to be nice. Unfortunately, "being nice" doesn't work with a bully. And a bully is what your friend sounds like to me. She pushes you around. She even asks her friends to push you around! Totally uncool. We all have to "bend" and be nice once in a while. Give and take is important. But if you're the girl who's always giving and never getting, maybe a change is needed. You may want to think about learning some new skills. One way to deal with this pushy girl is to be assertive.

Being assertive means standing up for your feelings and needs. You do it in a way that also respects the other person. You don't yell or scream at them. But if someone asks you to do something you don't want to do? Say "no thanks." And then suggest something else. Like, "Hey. I really don't want to watch you clean your room today. Why don't we go for a bike ride instead?"

Other kids may disagree with you. They may try to talk you out of what you want. But stay calm. Listen politely. And just as politely, you have the right to say "No. Thanks. I don't want to do that."

A friend has to earn your respect. How? By doing more than just listen to you. She has to act on your ideas, too. If someone I knew treated me like your friend treats you, I don't think I could call her my friend. She wants you to entertain her. You deserve a lot better than that! If you're looking for friends, maybe you could join a club or a sport. Go out and meet some new friends who'd have more respect for you. I'm glad you wrote because this is really tough to deal with. Good luck! Think about talking it over with a grownup you trust. Try your mom or someone else. They may have some ideas for you too!

Some Solutions...

Plan for the next time you'll meet. Practice some of these lines. Don't let a girl (or a guy!) who is pushy catch you by surprise.