Study Smart:First Aid

Dealing With Just Being Friends!

The Problem...

Dear Study Smart: There's a guy I like, just not "that way". If I'm like, friends with him, will he think I want to go out with him? If I have a guy for a friend, do you think that would make my boyfriend jealous? Do you think it's weird talking to a guy like I talk to my girl pals? Help! Sign me--Confused in Canada. --14.

Dear Confused...

Having a guy pal can make you feel more comfortable when you're around boys. A guy pal can help you understand how boys "tick". It can be hard to be friends with an ex-boyfriend but easy to befriend a guy you have never felt "romantic" about. He can tell you about his problems with girls and you can help him understand. You can talk to him about your boyfriend.

Sometimes you feel safer walking with a guy or taking a guy friend to a spur-of-the-moment party. If your boyfriend gets jealous, just explain that this guy is a pal, nothing romantic. Invite your boyfriend, your pal and others out together so that your boyfriend can see you together and realize it's a friendship thing only. Understand that your boyfriend may have a girl pal that he doesn't feel romantic about. It's a two way street.

Some Solutions...

1. Realize that you may be good pals for life and attend each other's weddings. But, things may change. He may start feeling attracted to you or you to him. Some of the best romances start out as "platonic" friendships.

But, if he develops a crush on you that you don't want, drop hints about a boy you wish would ask you out or remind him about your boyfriend. If this doesn't work, then be honest. You value this person so much as a pal, you can't ruin those feelings by risking a romance. His crush on you may pass naturally.

If you are the one who starts feeling romantic, drop hints about how everyone seems to think of you as a couple. Tell him how you've realized you like to spend time with him more than any other boy. Watch his body language or listen to how he reacts. OR you can just tell him how you feel. It might be hard if he doesn't feel the same way but you might be able to get past this and keep your friendship. No matter which method you choose, choose SOMETHING. Just wishing he knew how you felt and looking "mooney-eyed" at him will just make him uncomfortable.

Thanks to Confused in Canada, 14 for this question. Thanks to Lynn for writing an answer and to Meg, 15, for editing this article.