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This column was posted on 5/7/2003. Check back next week to see another "Between Friends!" question and answer. It could be yours!

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I Just Have to Know!

My new best friend is a paraplegic. I have absolutely no problem with this except for the fact that he won't talk about it. EVER. We've gotten to be close friends and all I know is that he was in a car accident and both his parents were killed as well. Being a rather outspoken person - okay, a very outspoken person - I'm just dying to ask him about it. We're friends & friends tell each other everything, right? Should I be upfront and ask him about it, or should I totally go against my character and wait until we're both 80 so that he's ready to talk about it?? - Risa, 15, USA

"Hey, Risa!" This is such an interesting problem, we've got two answers for you. Here's the first one...

Hey girl! That's terrible about your friend and his parents. I know what you mean, how you want to know the answer to something, but just afraid to ask. My advice to you is: DON'T BE. Your friend probably doesn't like the weird looks people give him because they don't understand, but I'm sure he's gotten used to it. He's probably used to answering questions about what happened. In fact, I'm sure he prefers people asking him about it, rather than treating him differently. I'm sure he won't break into tears at your questions. (He probably has never brought it up before because you never asked, or maybe he thought you already knew from someone else.) So go ahead and ask and grow closer to your friend! Hope this advice helped!


Danielle, 14


And now, the second one...

Well, You shouldn't be too upfront with him about it. Remember... He is going through a lot. And losing both parents is a big trauma for anyone. And being paraplegic is hard, too. If you really truly want to know, then ask yourself, "Am I doing this just because I'm really curious? Or am I doing this to really help him and be friends with him about it?" Because it's never good to know someone's true feelings for the WRONG reasons. Now if you chose that this has nothing to do with curiosity, then you can ask him. Don't be like, "SO WHAT HAPPENED TO YOUR PARENTS???? WAS IT BAD????" Be calm and gentle about the matter and if he is acting uncomfortable or if he says he doesn't wanna talk about it... Respect his feelings. Say, "ok," and change the subject. But if he tells you and seems like he wants to talk more, then talk with him, Try saying things that make him feel better and be a friend. Cuz you were right about one thing: That's what friends are for!

 

Rebecca, 13
Pssst!

Pssst! Our advice columnists can't answer every question personally. But we do our best to pick and answer questions representative of all our reader's problems. Is this an emergency? Need advice FAST?

  1. Here's a list of telephone help lines from PBS - Help's Around the Corner!
  2. Contact Teen Line Online: Teens Helping Teens
  3. Check out the National Runaway Switchboard
  4. Get in touch with other girls and talk it over - in our Circle of Friends PenPal Club!

 

 
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