Could He Be a Boyfriend Or Not?

This boy that used to like me last year was totally crazy over me, but I didn't like him as more than a friend. Now that it's going to be my sophomore year I have the biggest crush on him! He won't give me he time of day - he told me we should just be friends. But then I started to date one of his friends (not for revenge, honest!), and he's starting to get jealous and now he's mad at me. Should I worry about what he thinks or should I give him another shot? - Tanishia, 15, Georgia

"Hey, Tanishia!" How are you doing? I hope you are well. I think I might have some ideas as to how you can figure out what you should do.

First of all, I think you need to figure out a few things. Are you happy with your current boyfriend? If yes, then that's great! That's the kind of relationship you want to be in. If no, I think you need to rethink this relationship and figure out what exactly you want from him, and what you can do to make things better, if you even WANT to make things better.

Next thing you'll want to figure out is: Do you even like this other guy anymore? If yes, then there is something totally wrong in your relationship with your boyfriend. When you are in a relationship with someone, sure you can look at someone and say, "Oh... they're really good looking," or something. But you can definately not develop a crush on another person, and
if you do then that relationship is in serious trouble. You don't want to give any guy another shot if you don't like him, because then it's out of pity and that's completely wrong. Not only is it not fair to him, it's not fair to you. The only reason you should ever go out with this guy - or any guy for that matter - would be because you like him.

Do you like this guy more than your boyfriend? If yes, then DEFINITELY get out of the relationship with your boyfriend immediately. If you feel as though you like them both, maybe it'd be better just to stay single for now and just figure things out. Maybe you just need more time to think things through.

Other guys will come along for you, and things'll work themselves out. Honestly though? If you are ever confused about which guy you like, then that means that neither one of them is right for you. If he was right for you, there'd be no confusion, and not even the slightest bit of doubt in your mind. That's something else to think about.

If there is more than just attraction with this guy and you can actually see yourself dating him, then you need to get out of the relationship with your boyfriend because it's really unfair to the both you. Staying single isn't so bad. You're only 15, you have many more years of guys and dating to come!

Just wait for the right guy to come along, trust me, it'll happen. Another thing to think about is that he probably still likes you, he's just worried about being turned down by you again. If he really didn't like you, then he shouldn't really care about who you are going out with. BUT this is a different situation because you are dating his friend. Whether he likes you or not, he'd probably be jealous just because he has liked you in the past. You need to find out for sure if he does still like you though, and why he's so upset. That'll also help you figure out what to do with this.

The only way to find out this information though, is by asking him. I think you need to have seperate talks with each guy and let them know exactly what you've figured out. They both need to know so they can move on with their lives, with or without you. Either way, hopefully the three of you will remain friends. It's really a shame when love and dating tears friendships apart.

I'm pretty sure you are aware of this, but I'll just make it clear. If you do decide to give this guy another shot after figuring out all of these things, then you have to have a talk with your boyfriend and give him up.

You definitely cannot go out with more than one guy at once. It's not right, and it would be especially worse since they are friends. I'm pretty sure you aren't that shallow, but I just wanted to make sure you were aware of that.

I know this is a lot to take into your mind right now. Remember, you don't have to figure out how you feel overnight. In any case, I really hope you benefit from my words, and my advice helps.

Take care!

 

Candy, 14, Tennessee