He's Getting Worse!

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I'm afraid, Lexi, that this is one of life's ugly truths.  People are fine until they start hanging out with others, and then they change.  Many times, a person will start hanging out with another group because of insecurities.  Your friend might just feel like he's not good enough unless he joins this group and acts like them.  Next time you're alone with him, tell him how you feel, but in as nice a way as possible.  Tell him that you really want your friendship to continue, but he's just changed so much and he's just being plain mean to you.  Tell him you don't like how he's changed, you like the old (whatever his name is).  Also, tell him that you'll be friends with him no matter what, and that he doesn't need to stay with a group that causes him to behave worse than usual.  Maybe he'll realize the error of his ways and will also realize that you're right; he doesn't need to be in a "cool" group to have value.  If he doesn't listen, then there's simply nothing you can do except just stop hanging out with him.  That's it.  No fights, no name-calling, no rivalry, no hurt feelings, just cut yourself off from him, like he's just someone you run into on a daily basis.  I'm sorry this has happened, and I pray that he will change back to the boy you are friends with.  If he doesn't, just know that this happens a lot in life.  It's better to get used to it sooner than later. – Megan, 14, Illinois (PenPal #13317)

Honey, let me just tell you one thing; When people change, people change.  Now that doesn't mean you can't try and stop them. It's just that it is very hard to unless you can knock some sense into them. Your problem is quite interesting. Your friend sounds like a nice guy that is just being influenced to do the bad. Do they drink or smoke? If so, I recommend taking action with immediate confrontation. A couple of suggestions are:  Talking to him when he is not with his friends or talking secretly with his parents  Make sure that if you do talk to him, that you express the feeling you once had for him and describe his "old" self (without actually saying "old" self or else it will seem that you are just looking in the past and not fixing the future).  Oh, and don' t be afraid to use a firm tone and keep eye contact at all times. It can scare him, but he will get the point. As for the other boys, if they ever start messing with you, karate classes never hurt! (At least not you!) Hope this helped. – Cece, 12, USA

Dear Lexi, here's the thing - when guys become teenagers, they totally change. It's practically a known fact. Unfortunately, boys stop acting sensible and start acting rude and often immature when they hit the age range of 12-14.   So first of all, don't feel like it's your fault that your old guy friend is acting like a total jerk.   Second, you just need to ignore his bad behavior and stop being friends with him, if he's really being that rude to you. When you hear him curse or say something you don't like, don't respond; he's trying to get a reaction from you.   It's best to let him do his own thing. You shouldn't have to try to get him to stop hanging out with bad friends. It's his choice, and he should be able to make the right one. Just because it's the wrong one doesn't mean you should be involved. Let your business be yours and hang out with your own friends.   But keep in mind that as you get past junior high, some guys become a little more bearable, and not all will drive you insane.   I hope everything works out. – Shelby, 15, Pennsylvania

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