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This column was posted on 11/17/2009. Check back next week to see another "Tuff Talk!" question and answer. It could be yours!

Should I Tell?

I have this friend who used to be outgoing and funny. Then all of a sudden she started being kind of depressed. So I talked to her and she said her parents were abusing her. She showed me these scars and cuts and bruises. She said, "You CANNOT tell anyone! If you tell someone I might be taken away from my home! You HAVE TO promise me you won't tell ANYONE!" So I said, "OK, I promise I won't tell anyone."  One of my teachers is a friend with her mom and she is a pastor's wife. I really feel like I need to tell my mother, but I promised not to tell. Please help! I don't know what the right thing to do is. – Emily, 10, Florida (PenPal #15838)

Dear Emily - Being put into a situation like the one you've been faced can be extremely difficult to deal with. My mom was abused as a child and now works to help others who are emotionally or physically abused get the help they need. So I've learned a thing or two throughout the years. Quite honestly, the BEST thing for you to do at this point in time is tell somebody. Find an adult that you trust - may it be a teacher, parent, counselor, big brother, etc.- and talk to them about it. They will know how to help and will assist you on taking action in the situation. I'm not going to sugar-coat it and say that your friend will happily thank you for telling an adult. But it's the best thing for her right now. By telling someone, you're making sure that she is safe, which is what a true friend does. Think of how you would feel if you didn't tell anyone, and something really bad happened to her. (Like, a bad injury that could potentially be a health risk or even fatal.) I know it's a hard thing to do, and it takes a lot of courage. But you would be doing it with her best interests in mind. I hope at least some of this information helps you make a decision on what to do. Good luck and stay strong! – Allie, 15, Oregon (PenPal #15659)

Hello Emily.  You NEED to tell an adult. This is not an option. Your friend's parents could seriously hurt her and she could end up in the hospital. Find an adult you trust, whether it's your teacher, mother, father, or the principal. Someone needs to know. Adults can help you and your friend, whether it's calling a child abuse center or talking to the parents.  I wish you and your friend the best of luck. – Lucy, 11, Massachusetts (PenPal #13742)

Dear Emily - Whenever someone tells me a secret and they make me promise not to tell, I always say I can't promise until I know what the secret is. That's some advice for the next promise you make. But for now, you need to tell an adult that your friend might be being abused. That way if she is being abused then someone will finally be able to get her family some help. But also if she's not being abused there might be some deeper issues that your friend needs help dealing with. But either way by telling an adult you’re helping your friend. – Lisa, 12, Nevada