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This column was posted on 5/9/2008. Check back next week to see another "Tuff Talk!" question and answer. It could be yours!

I Swear!

I am not sure if this is the category to put this under but this is what I need help with, my speech. I have a huge problem with swearing. My parents don't know it though. I either say it in my head, or when I am thinking out loud in my room or whatever. But I swear way too much. PLEASE HELP ME! – Kristee, 13, New Jersey

Hey there! I used to have that problem as well, but many things have helped me to stop swearing. One big thing is to get rid of any sources that make you more likely to swear, like the places you pick it up from. Say for example you watch South Park (lots of swearing)? Quit watching South Park for a while. Or if you’re around people that swear or accept it, don't be around them as much, or ask them to try and get into this little bettering yourself type project with you. A third thing that helped me always was writing whatever curse word it was on a note card and then ripping it up and throwing it away. It was like I actually reached in my mind and was able to distract the word from my head and get rid of it. I hope this helps and Blessings! – Amanda, 15, Wisconsin (PenPal #10278)

Hey Kristee, a lot of people have this problem, so don't sweat it too much. It's really hard to control what you say in your head sometimes. Before you can tackle that, you need to first control what comes out of your mouth. Try writing down silly alternatives for all the curse words you use and practice using those in the place of bad words. After a while, you may actually start thinking of those words in your head instead of the bad ones when you get upset. To help yourself a little more though, try to steer clear of listening to music with bad language or watching too much TV with it, and maybe ask your friends to take up using the silly alternatives as well when they're around you. Good luck! – Leigh, 13, South Carolina

Hmm. Well, this is a tough one to answer. But I really, really admire the fact that you want to kick this out of your life. I wish there were more people in the world like you. Let me start by saying this: you've heard the saying "garbage in, garbage out?" (yes, it's trite but it still is amazingly true.) We, as human beings (and especially as young adults) tend to mirror our surroundings. So my suggestion is to do everything in your power to limit your exposure to those things. Avoid movies and songs with swearing. Try to let your friends know that you are not comfortable with their swearing. Stuff like that. But also, just because we live in a world with lots of swearing, it is almost impossible to avoid dirty language. Make sure you draw your boundaries on your language. Clearly state (maybe journal it out) what is not okay for you to say - not just words, but subject matter as well. And when you swear in your mind or when you think out loud, recognize that the word is NOT the best way for you to express anger/frustration/sadness (even if no one else hears it). Don't ignore it. But reword what you are trying to say in your mind. That way, you start to teach yourself more healthy ways to express those feelings. Hope that helped! – Jamie, 16, USA