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You Can Help Your Abused Friend!

My best friend is coming over more often. She never wants to go home. Also when she comes over, she has new bruises. I think she's being abused. She's so skinny. She's the smallest in her family. When ever I'm over there, they always hit her when they're angry, right in front of me. What can I do? I don't want to get her into trouble, but it's getting pretty bad. - Mallory, 14, Kansas

"Hey, Mallory!" I am so sorry that your friend has to go through this. I am very happy though, that you brought this to our attention here at A Girls World. That was very brave of you and it proves you are a good friend. I will try to help you the best that I can and I really hope you can benefit from my words.

What is happening to your best friend is abuse, and it's against the law. When her family hits her that is not legal, and they could go to jail for it. You also say she is very skinny. Perhaps they are starving her too, which worries me. There are many skinny people out there and she may just be the skinniest in her family, but there is still that risk she could be starved and that risk has to be taken seriously.

Does she eat a lot when she's at your house? When you are at her house does she eat a lot? These are questions you may want to ask yourself. She also sounds like she dreads coming home, too which is a bad sign, Mallory.

Thousands of kids are abused every single day in the United States alone, and even more worldwide. Your friend needs help- and fast! Especially before things get any worse and she gets new bruises.

You can help her, Mallory! There are many options and I will give you your best options. First of all, regardless of what step you take, I think you need to first talk to your friend. Tell her you realize she is being abused and starved and you are very worried and want to help. She may be skeptical, and may beg you to not worry and everythings fine but everything is not fine. You have to make it clear to her that as her best friend you have to take that extra step and get her help.

Mallory, I know that may seem hard, especially if she doesn't want you to help her. But you have to, and it's your duty as a good friend to get her help whether she wants it or not. In the end she will thank you, trust me.

How can you get her help? Well I will give you two options. First of all, if your friend agrees she needs help and wants you to help her you two should discuss these options first. If she doesn't want you to, you have to decide for yourself which one you'd feel most comfortable doing (because you do have to do something either way!).

First option: Do you have a parent/relative, teacher, guidance counsellor, or some adult you (or your friend) would feel comfortable telling? All of these people can get your friend the help she needs by telling a social worker in your area.

Second option: Calling one of the numbers below. I did the research to find out what numbers were available to you in Kansas, and I found that the following three would be the best. All of these numbers provide professional counsellors who will listen to any problem, and I think most of them are open 24 hours a day, 7 days a week! Just tell them about your friend, they will take down some information and then send a social worker over to your friends house to talk to her and her family. Remember, you can remain annoymous if you want to.

Childhelp USA- 1-800-4-A-CHILD
National Domestic Violence/Abuse Hotline- 1-800-799-SAFE
Kansas Child and Adult Abuse Hotline 1-800-922-5330

There is also 911. If you feel your friend is ever in danger you must call that number and help will come right away! Mallory, don't get discouraged. Your friend may not get taken away from her family. When the social worker comes over she or he will just talk to her and her family and find out exactly what's been going on. If he or she feels your friend is in danger, yes she may be taken away. Maybe not even forever, just for a while so her family can get counselling/help of some kind to make sure they are aware that what they are doing is wrong and so that they will stop. There is a chance that your friend will not be taken away though. The social worker may feel that all the family needs is counselling, for example. I do not know what the social worker will definately do, but she will definately do something so your friend is safe and that is the main thing.

Social workers try their hardest not to break up families. They are not there to break up families. They are there to help and that is what they will do once to you tell either someone you know, or someone at one of those numbers.

Don't worry, you will definately not get in trouble for doing this. The worst thing that could happen is have your friend and her family mad at you, but that will all change after they realize what a brave and great girl you are, and also the great thing you did for their family! You will feel good about yourself for doing this. Helping a friend is one of the best things you can ever do, and it really and truly shows you care and love them.

I really hope things work out Mallory, and you get up the courage to tell someone. Make sure you do it right away because the sooner your friend gets help, the better. I understand this is a huge step for you to be taking, but your friend will thank you for it. Maybe not right away, but in the end she will be more than thankful she had a great friend like you to help her out.

Good luck and take care!!

(Editor's Note: If you don't think anything is happening/changing for your friend, feel free to CALL AGAIN. The life of your friend could be at stake here. Hang in there!)

Whitney, 15, Canada