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This column was posted on 2/5/2003. Check back next week to see another "Tuff Talk!" question and answer. It could be yours!

I Don't Have Much Self Confidence!

I am a very quiet person. I don't like confrontations and am embarrassed very easily. I am not exactly in the "popular" crowd at school. Anyone who talks to me likes me because I am a nice person, but I have absolutely no self confidence. Probably if I spoke to these people I could hang around with them, but I'm scared to in case they just laugh at me. All this has to do with me feeling really unattractive. My mum says I'm really pretty and they always joke by saying stuff like "Oh you get your good looks off your mum". Thing is when I look in the mirror I see something that's ugly. I want to cry. Deep down I know I'm not totally ugly; it's just the self-confidence thing. I've tried all the things in magazines, etc., but I'm still too shy. Anyone been through this and have any ideas how I can change? - Ashley, 15, UK

"Hey, Ashley!" Have you ever heard of the book, "The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Teens?" I think this would be a great resource for you because, even though all of us have days when we wake up and see something hideous in front of us, we are all champions! And we need to know that! In the book, there is something called the Personal Bank Account, which is basically your self-esteem and confidence.

So, in this bank account, how much do you have? How can you get more? Author Sean Covey highlights six things: -Keep promises to yourself. This means committing to do something and then sticking with it, like getting up on time or finishing all of your homework.-Be gentle with yourself; Don't beat yourself up! Treat yourself with respect! Everybody messes up, and when you do, that just means you're normal. Wow! -Be honest ...with yourself and others. -Renew yourself. Plan time to take a break when you get too stressed-out. -Tap into your talents.

Everyone has talents - this means you! One talent I appreciate more than anything is listening. Simple things, like making cards or talking with the elderly, to hard stuff like Beethoven's Sonatas, are all talents.

Make the most of yours! -Do small acts of kindness. The best way to make yourself feel good is to make others feel good! Do something nice for someone. Even better, do something nice and then don't tell anybody! You have no idea how much your soul will soar. Start with these things. Try to do one or two a day. Pretty soon, it'll become second nature, and your confidence will be sky-rocketing! Remember, keep your chin up and good luck!

Johanna, 15, Illinois