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This column was posted on 7/28/2003. Check back next week to see another "Tuff Talk!" question and answer. It could be yours!

Mom's Way, Or My Way?

There's a guy at school who really likes me, and I like him. The problem is, that my mom says we can't go out because he's African American. I told her she was being racist. But she says she doesn't care. Should I go out with him without telling my mom? If not, then how do I get her to let me go out with him? - Kayla, 13, Maryland

"Hey, Kayla!" There are two ways at looking at this problem. One is, you mother is probably being racist as you mentioned. You can sit with her and tell her how you feel. You can tell her that it doesn't matter much to you and that it is your life. But she should listen with a neutral attitude to what SHE says. Try it out.

The other thing is , probably this is just a passing phase , you know - just an obsession. Moreover, you may not realise it but you probably just want to go out with him to defy your mother. I mean seriously think this part over. This could be true and this HAS happened BEFORE . You don't want to start ontroversy if it's over just a passing phase. What you really have to do is assess yoursel honestly. I mean there's no point being dishonest with yourself. But then again , there IS chemistry between you and him. If it's really something serious, then you can have it out with your mother (A serous discussion, I mean. NOT an argument). All the best!!!

Pragati, 14,India